Response to Crystal

“Twitch” is about Kris, a lesbian who is in love with Katie, who is interested in Joel, who is Kris’s friend. I found it very interesting that the writer took on so many different controversial topics, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. I admire someone with the guts to point out the numerous close-minded ideas held by many people in our society. (But thankfully, that number is going down, yay!)

I feel like some dialogue tags would be a good idea for this story. There were a few places where I got confused as to who was talking. Perhaps some more characterization of the dialogue of Joel and Katie’s would help here, too. I think this will help with the cohesiveness of the story as well, because I found it to be a little disjointed.

Also, Joel feels very much like a stock character, only used so that Kris can get Katie. The way Kris treats Joel also makes her seem unlikable. Is this what you were going for? I’d also like to see a little more of Katie besides a love interest who happens to get turned on by lesbian porn. Honestly, whatever porn turns you on doesn’t really have a say in your sexual orientation. There are quite a few straight people who get turned on by gay porn. It took a little of the believability away from Katie’s character for me.

Since we know Katie is deeply religious, maybe you could go deeper into this backstory? Being anything other than straight is incredibly hard in a religious household most of the time. This tension could make the story into something really powerful.

The last line of this was really funny. I feel as though this story was trying to be funny and sassy while trying to tackle some large ideas. I think if a little honing in on an idea was done, as well as perhaps adding some more humor like the last line, this story could be really great.